of lostLove and hate..

28th July 2006

havent reviewd about things arond me for a while huh?

been away from office for a few days....the minute i logged on i open this website on the late haniMokhsin. they showed pics of him layin on the airport...the kebumi time..it was a tragic n sad ending for him...
imagine bein his 9 year old daughter...who saw it all and couldnt anything about it. imagined the hopes n dreams she planned to spend his buzy time..just to actually be his final moments of his life..i cant imagined wht final words did he gave to her..or whether she will get over it.
to me that was true tragic.

and tho i dunt know him at all (he is a superstar BTW..just in case u dunt know).
because of his talent (ok im BS'ing..he got the looks k..hehe) he will b deeply missed.


then i went to this webLink that cheema gve me..it was a video shot thru a camera of sum gurl school havin a fight ..not the type where its just words... more of like catFight..one gurl got beaten up quite bad
(not the bloody sort...but been thrown around, and wacked wit a BELT-cam tak percaya kan..ish) i had to turn off the sound..cause i will sureLy cry or be upset about it..then it linked me to another video shot...the UPM case..i didnt understand wht the fight was all about...but it just hit right thru my heart that people as young as students, already know how to discriminate...

maybe events has led to the blackening of these peoples heart.
to hate.
such a harsh, heavy word.
maybe experiences has led to the rascism in our hearts.
who to blame. who should we point fingers ?

p/s: to whom it may concern (those who have constantly read my blog n do not leave any comments..hehe.. u know who u r..hehe)- thnx so much for reading my crap. no reward nor trophy will be given and these information that you get from this blog will not be use in any bilaterals nor agreements in any sort of trade negotiations...hahahah

CHEERS!

benar dikau ku cinta

sudah lama tidak berbicara cinta..
tiba tiba naik pula bulu roma... ish

aku seakan tidak percaya. pada malam dikau sebut akan suka,
akan kemungkinan berputiknya sayang...akan kemungkinan ini kan cinta

kabut dan tenang seolah bersatu..
bagaimana hendaknya perjalanan ini pula..
bertanam kan azam dan hasrat menyatu..
tepat pada masa cinta ku temu ..

terlupa pula apa rasa rindu...
tak ingat pula peritnya menunggu..
bila dilanda bagai tidak disangka..
semua perkara tiba tiba tergendala...

takut dan berani bercampur aduk...
terasa melayang..walau pun sedang duduk..
dan siang di rasa begitu perlahan..
dan malam pula terus ku bertahan..

terlupa lagi apa rasa sayang..
atau getaran dilanda cinta..
ku sedang duduk..tapi seperti melayang
ini bukan mimpi semata..

sabar menunggu hari kita..
setiap hari makin sayng..
benar dikau aku cinta..
benar aku rasa seperti melayang..

aaahhh..inikah namanya CINTA?
miawwwwwww

changing but staying the same???

people often tell me to "stay the same".

darn..suddenly joeMcIntyre comes up...
."..and i hope u always stay the same..lalala"
that darn cute face i use to have a huge crush on
(way back when NKOTB* was the In Thing..har har har)
behind him u will see big chest ladies in robes (like a choir) and makin it all feel so gospel..

neways...back to "stay the same" bit...
(before i analyse wht the F**** was i thinkin havin a cursh on a such a boi..haha)...
i L.O.V.E myself too much..i dunt ever want to change...
(well so sometimes i go too hardo n myself..but all in the spirit to b the besh!)

i look back at my year book.."class of 96" and 90% says i shoulda wish and words like
" hope farah, that u stay the same/stay cute/ stay cubby.... "
and so i took it positiveLy...
they like the way i already am..so changes is a no need thing for me...

but i forgot..i may not want to change...
but things around me do...
and like it or not...there will come a point that one will have to face it.

i always see change as something sad...something bad...something that wil make me feel abit out of place...make me feel useless..(well not useless..but out of place)

i also see changes happend due to an event, accident...some life turning sort of event that changes one person to the extent they stop believing in things they use to love...or things they use to trust...

the fear of the unknown...that's wht kept me on my toes...i mean its normal...when in a routineLife which consist of just makin yourself eppy...its hard to face the fact that you will have to change...just so you wont get stuck behind time
(like NKOTB*..jippers..hehe)

it kept coming coming n coming... and as much as i wanted to resist...
it just keeps on crawling back

and so i adjust...improvise...find the positives..and the smiles out of it...
i had to force myself to get use to it...
live wit it- that is wht i always tell myself
no regrets!
life goes on..
on all other shits just to make feel ok

but i learnt one thing ....
no matter how much ive changed...or how much life is changing...
be it...change my taste of music, the way i dress, type of car i drive, the type of men i would choose to spend my life with, change workplaces, change bosses...

at the end of the day..(or my life.should it end this very next line..)
i look at myself.and i still see the same me i was 27 years ago..

still crazy for chocs.
still anak abah.
still wit my bantal busuk
(tho not the same one..it has gone thru some changes as well..)
still confuse about things..
just standing still.....

why do i talk about change?
cause things around me are changing...

ive changed my work.no more late nites of work
ive changed my life. no more late nites of loneliness
ive changed my view. no more negativity
i've changed alot. but im still the same curry

(am i makin any sense here?)

Curry-n-herCrap

*NKOTB-New Kids On The Block

aku merinduimu

1.21 am, wdnsday

aku merinduimu...wahai insaf...
menunggu saat kau hadir untuk mengejutku...untuk menyedarku..sabar menunggu...tika hati dilandah gulana..tika perjalanan ku huyung dan hayang...aku mengharap mu hadir....

aku merinduimu....wahai insaf....
untuk waktu ku tersedar semula...tika waktu ku kembali mengadapMu...oh aku rindu..dalam kelekaan mengejar arti hidup..mngejar yang sementara...mengejar yang dalam belantara...

aku merinduimu ...wahai insaf..
mengenangkan segala gelumang....dosa, khayalan dan yang bukan-bukan...terusan menitis mencari mu..tidak ketemu..oh aku rindu...

aku tidak jahat...aku bukan syaitan...aku adalah hambaMu.hamba yang seringkali leka...serinkali lupa....sehingga diingatkan olehMu... dengan disepak dengan yang dinama 'takdir'...tika itu...terhegeh-hegeh aku akan mencariMu..besungguh-sungguh aku perlu mendapat rahmatMu..tika waktu semua sudah terlambat.. tika ikhlas tidak lagi tersemat!!!!
mahu kah aku hendak seperti itu?

seperti tiada nafas dalam badan ini...seperti tiada yang ikhlas di dunia ini...
oh aku ingin mencari mu..mengejar mu...

hidup ku hanya mengejar....dan terusan akan mengejar....
hingga ketemu semula
wahai insaf...aku merinduimu......